Mama Megs (peanutties) wrote in parentsoftwins,
Mama Megs
peanutties
parentsoftwins

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Disciplining Aggressive Behavior?

Hi All. My b/g twins are 16 mo. now., and I've struggled with one or the other's aggressive tendencies, for about 5 months-ish... and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I used to be glued to whichever & any/all books I could find on the subject of toddler discipline. seriously, I've got no less than three collecting dust right now... but honestly, I've found none of them effective when dealing with two pre toddlers at the same time. and, also.... somewhere around the time our NICU follow up dr's started bringing social workers into the equation, because our 5 month olds weren't eating cheerio's yet, and telling us what bad parents we were in general, for no other reason than they were about 2 months behind developmentally, is right around the time when I stopped obsessing about their developmental progress, and just let them develop how they were going to develop. basically, we're not worried that they are just now walking and still taking bottles, regardless if those assholes are.

My boy has always been considerably larger than my daughter... and he's never been privvy to the concept of sharing. So it started out with his brute force against her unfinished bottle, snack or toy that he wanted. Now it seems the tables have turned, and at some point her frustration turned into SMACKING THE HOLY LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM, when he would take something from her, and eventually because of whatever would frustrate her in general. Given that she's exposed to exactly no other toddlers than her and her brother, we are a tad confounded on this "learned" behavior. More recently, her hitting has morphed into fully body tackles... as her petite smacking was never any match against him in the 1st place...  and (I swear to god) usually just makes him laugh. Even now her "full body tackles" resemble more like "forceful hugs" that typically won't even budge him from his spot.  you know what is actually kind of cute though.... I always tell her to "give brother a kiss" after she does that... and he will get this very serious look on his face and lean in to give HER a kiss, which always just pisses her off like bigtime more. I mean, that should'nt be funny, I know... but we can't help it that it is.

The usual result is her taking it out on whatever/whomever is in her general proximity. I mean to tell you, the girl has a freaking temper, ok?!

At this point, I'm more worried that she's going to hurt herself, than him. I'm also worried that he's going to start adopting her abusive behavior... even though, and thankfully, he hasn't yet. Frankly, I'm worried about him being as abusive to her as she is to him, given that he runs about 5lbs heavier than her on any given day, and easily overpowers her  :\

How did you guys deal with this "phase" ? We don't hit/spank them,  and don't really want to, on principal and lack of effectiveness in general.... yanno? Putting them into their crib for time out, well... hasn't worked AT ALL. Is this something I just get to look forward to for the next 4 years????
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